Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation (johno) wrote,
Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation

I'm not a hero...

Back in August I made a phone post, that was very noisy and cut off early on downloading. Unfortunately it was a important one.


I was listening to the Republican National Convention. Prior to the introduction of Mayor Giuliani, they had a series of Widows of 9/11 Heroes talking about their experiences and how the RNC was good for them.

This made me very angry. A deep cold internal anger.

9/11 is now a political tool, and while I dislike it, I understand it and can sort of tolerate it.

However, using the family members and the memories of those who died is just plain wrong.


Because like those who died in 9/11, I'm wired wrong. When something goes wrong, I run toward the disaster, not away from it. Not from some twisted enjoyment, but from a deep seated need to help.

For many reasons, I'm not able to be a fireman or a EMT, but I've been on several different Disaster Response Teams. I've reentered or remained in buildings with fire alarms blaring, I've re-entered a multi-story building right after a major earth quake.

Therefore I fully expect to go out with a bang, so to speak. However, I would not have done it because I want or need to be a hero, but because I did what is needed or necessary.

If I had been on one of the 9/11 planes or in the towers, I'd be dead. Not because I would be slow or just sat around, but because I would have been in the group that rushed the cockpit, or stayed in a stairwell guiding folks down the stairs, or.. or... or...

I'm not looking for strokes or egoboo or ataboys, I'm just making a statement that I'm miswired that way, that somewhere inside, my survival instinct has gone stupid.

So don't call me a hero and to tie everything back to the start, don't use my memory for political reasons. Even for a cause you *know* I would support.

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