What's My Name mean?
"A powerful gypsy curse."
Taken from the Greek for "Hey presto, there it is" under appalling conditions, the name John was originally used ineffectually to refer to a breed of goose, before being pulled from a fire that killed its variants and diminutives.
1. John Millington, DSO and Bar, MSc, champion of the right to use between nine and fifteen scientific principles; ghost-writer of Thora Hird's posturing lurid autobiography, TOOT-A-TWANG-TWANG; first holder of the office of Her Majesty's Punchbag;
2. John de Grating, reputedly trapped for seven days under a fallen monument to the world's seventh highest-rated episode of Mr Pastry;
3. John Dindymene, champion of the monkey cartilage gear system;
4. John Ach, channeller under supernatural influences of the paper aeroplane;
5. John K Trabmaw ("The Pale"), named in court as holding compromising material concerning the methods of Judge Dredd;
6. John Cangoose-Chinly, co-writer of INDIANA JONES AND THE AFTERNOON AT THE HAIRDRESSER'S;
7. John Toot, belittler of Evap-o-Floor;
8. Chief Scientist John Itching, aroused by edible bark; last holder of the inhumanly funded office of Last Out of the Building When the Fire-Alarm Rings;
9. Doctor John O'Boonk, haunted by an image of Explode-O, the wonder bang dismantler;
10. Lady The Miss John Thews, exposed in the press as having swapped a child for physics.
Typical John motto
"When the sky clears, look to your ears."